Surrender Isn't a Setback
What I discovered about identity, surrender, and God's quiet provision in stillness
“Stagnancy is your ego forcing what God hasn’t aligned.”
The verb surrender means to cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority. Naturally, my definition of surrender meant defeat. Loss. Failure.
From an early age, I carried the weight of others. I orchestrated plays and set my team up for success. It was embedded in my psyche. I stepped into leadership without hesitation, on and off the court, because my attitude and performance determined the outcome. That mindset—the pressure to perform and win—bred a fear of failure that followed me into my twenties.
Before this season of surrender, I was stuck in a season of stagnancy. I’ve learned, stagnancy is your ego forcing what God hasn’t aligned. After everything we endured in 2020, I thought I trusted God completely. But how could I, when He said Be still and I refused? In my mind, I was racing against time. And I was losing.
Eventually, the pressure became unsustainable. I was exhausted—physically, mentally, spiritually. I realized I had exhausted my options and couldn’t force movement that wasn’t divinely timed. My grip on control was doing more harm than good.
I blurred the line between self-reliance and obstinance. My pride resisted the idea of releasing control. In my world, I played every role: narrator, main character, and supporting cast. I was impatient, guarded, and afraid to be seen as weak. But that was flawed thinking. I am none of those things.
“I am the character arc.”
The omniscient narrator is God—the one guiding this journey and seeing what I cannot. My support system is made up of family and friends, handing me my oxygen mask even while catching their own breath. The protagonist is my purpose and passion. That’s what propels the story forward. As the narrative unfolds, I ebb and flow to meet it. I am the character arc.
Surrendering is uncomfortable. Surrendering feels like instability and looks like idleness. Some days, I feel free. Other days, freedom is eclipsed by lack. On those days, waiting, worshiping, and praying don’t seem like much. They don’t seem like enough to break cycles or bless generations. But that’s when I have to remember: God is enough.
Despite how it may look, surrender is not passive. It’s powerful. Yielding to God requires more strength than forcing your way forward.1 Even in stillness, He is sustaining you2—emotionally, spiritually, and materially. Look for the quiet ways He shows up.
God is not bound by your timeline; therefore, you are not behind.3
“Your identity is not contingent upon your output.”
Waiting isn’t wasting. It’s shaping who you’re becoming. And though you may feel burdensome, unproductive, or unsuccessful in this season, remember this: your identity is not contingent upon your output. God is far more concerned with your formation than your performance.4
These days, surrender looks different. Sometimes, it’s journaling before sunrise. Sometimes, it’s resisting the urge to over-explain my silence or justify my pace. It’s praying even when I don’t feel heard. It’s choosing obedience when I want to quit.
You may need to hear this, because I know I still do: Who you are to God doesn’t change based on what you achieve or how productive you feel.
If you find yourself in a similar place—stalled, weary, unsure—know that you’re not alone in it. Surrender isn’t a setback. It’s a divinely-led plot twist.
What He has planned for us is greater than the glimpses we've seen. We're being prepared, not punished. This season is fleeting. And when it ends, we'll have what we need. Whatever comes next, we'll walk into it with clearer vision, improved skills, and a deeper knowing of who sustains us.
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” - Romans 12:1-2
“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” - Exodus 14:14
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: …” - Ecclesiastes 3:1
“We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” - Romans 5:3-4